​Relationship red flags are all those little warning signs which may indicate that something is not quite right about your partner or relationship. They can occur at any stage during the relationship. Sometimes you may notice within the first few weeks of dating, but you are so caught up in the excitement of meeting someone new that it’s easy to overlook their flaws and see only their potential. Or they may start to creep in six months or more down the track after you’ve both dropped your guards and fallen in love, and by this time you’ve already invested so much of yourself into this person and the relationship that it’s not as easy to get out.

Unfortunately, by failing to notice these red flags you may end up in a relationship with someone who is not right for you – or as it was in my case, in a situation that may affect your health, safety or your life.

This is the reason why I wanted to write this blog so that I could help other women to be aware of the subtle and not so subtle warning signs which may act as an early indication of being in an abusive relationship. So, if you are reading through this list and notice that your current relationship (or marriage) has quite a few of these red flags, please carefully reassess whether your partner and the relationship you are in is actually the right one for you.

• The relationship moves way too fast, and it doesn’t take long for the intensity to ramp up so that within a short period of time he is already talking about a future with you. He is very attentive, calls or texts you constantly throughout the day, and overwhelms you with compliments and affection.
  As easy as it would be to get swept off your feet by his over the top gestures, unfortunately, this is often a sign that you are being love-bombed. This is a form of emotional manipulation which is used by narcissistic and other toxic people, as a way to draw you in for the purpose of gaining your trust so they can have control over you. Love bombing never lasts, and once their mask slips you will now find yourself being devalued, lied to, ignored, or verbally or physically abused.
• They talk excessively about their ex and it is never in a favourable way.
  It’s normal to occasionally mention your previous relationships as you are getting to know each other. But if you find your partner talks excessively about a previous ex, then this may be a sign they’re not over them or that they are ready to be in a relationship with you.
  And if your partner tells you that all his exes are ‘psycho’ don’t take them at their word (as I initially did with mine). As he has either been extremely unlucky in his dating life – which is very unlikely! Or his dating history isn’t accurate due to his victim mentality, and he will always blame others and never take any responsibility for his part in the breakdown of the relationship. And unfortunately, this cycle is likely to continue in his relationship with you.
• Your partner does not respect your personal space or boundaries.
  As flattering as it may seem to have your partner want to spend all his time with you, it’s not a good sign if he appears to have no close friends or a life of his own outside of your relationship. This may indicate an inability for him to create and sustain healthy relationships with others. And as your relationship progresses, he may become more demanding of your time together and expect to go everywhere with you. This is a form of control, and in time you may find yourself not being ‘allowed’ to visit your friends or family without him. Or if you do happen to go out without him, he will expect to know where you are and who you’re with at all times.
• You don’t feel comfortable to express who you really are when you are around them.
  We come into our relationships as individuals with our own thoughts, beliefs and opinions. And if we are with the right person, we will feel comfortable about speaking up or being able to contribute to a conversation without being shut down, or told that what we think or believe is wrong.
  You should never be in a relationship where you are doing all the compromising or not accepted for who you really are.
• Your partner gaslights you.
  This is an extreme form of psychological and emotional abuse which causes someone to question their perception of events, their judgement, and in the end their sanity. Gaslighting can be found in all types of relationships, but it features more predominantly within intimate relationships involving a partner with a narcissistic personality disorder. This is a form of manipulation that is used to deflect responsibility and to control the other person by lying, denying, and trivialising their feelings.
• He does not get on with the significant people in your life.
  This may seem like a subtle red flag, however, it is an important one that should never be ignored. Sometimes we are so caught up in our feelings for our partner that we are blind to what is so obvious to other people. However, if it is only a couple of people who appear to dislike him then that is not a major concern. But if your entire family or friends dislike something about him, then you may need to remove your rose-coloured glasses and have a good look at the person you are dating.
• You feel insecure in your relationship.
  It is an awful feeling to not know where you stand with your partner. This could be due to a number of factors such as having low self-esteem or being with someone who doesn’t reassure you or make you feel special. When you feel this way, you could end up over-compensate in your relationship by doing more than your fair share to make things work between you. Which is not only unfair to you but something that will become harder to sustain the longer your relationship progresses.

A FINAL NOTE

In this blog, I have only covered some of the main red flags to be aware of. There are many others which I will talk about within my private Facebook Group; ‘Relationship Support for Women,’ as well as in my one-on-one coaching services if this is where you feel that you need my support.

So, if you happen to recognise your situation in any of the above points and you’re feeling confused about what you should do, please book in with me for a free 45-minute consultation so we can have a chat and get to know each other better.

I have been in a toxic relationship myself and know exactly what you are going through. And I would love to be there for you to offer my support and guidance, and to help you get the clarity you need around your relationship and what is best for you to do. So please reach out to me and we can take this first step together.
Everything we talk about will be completely confidential and in a non-judgemental space. I look forward to hearing from you soon.