When it comes to making big decisions we usually fall into one of two groups. There are the women who always follow their hearts, and then there is the second group who prefer to think things through first before they make their decision.

So, when it comes to love, are we better to just go with how we feel about someone and take a risk? Or should we instead listen to what our head is telling us, and only proceed with caution if we have analysed everything and it all adds up?

Falling in love can make us do reckless and silly things at times. This is especially true if you are the type of person who always follows your heart. You allow what you feel to take over, and tend to ignore any warning messages in your head when it tries to tell you all the reasons why this person is not good for you and to back away.
Or perhaps you are in the second group and prefer the more cautious approach. You like to analyse the pros and cons of everything first before making a decision.

The group you fall into, usually comes down to the type of person you are and even your dating history. There are some people who are prepared to take risks, not only in love but in their lives as well. They tend to be a little more impulsive and don’t like to overthink things. They are more than happy to be led by how they are feeling and the chemistry the have with the other person, even if they know that logically this person isn’t right for them.
Then there are those people who are a little more cautious, and will never proceed with anything unless they have gone over it first in their minds. They don’t like to fail, and would rather hold back if there’s a chance that something may not work out in their favour. They may also be a little more hesitant because they have been badly hurt in the past and are worried about getting their hearts broken again.

And to complicate things even further, scientists have found that whether we are left or right-hand dominant may also play a part in this. For people who are creative, emotional, and intuitive they tend to be right-brain dominant and will make their decisions based on how they feel. While people who are left-brain dominant, are by nature more analytical and will need to see all the facts first before they make their decision.

I think it’s important for women to listen to both their head and their hearts when it comes to finding someone to fall in love with. This doesn’t mean that you have to listen to both at the same time. But it’s important to know which one to listen to at just the right time, so you can either avoid acting too impulsively if you normally only listen to your heart. Or so you can still feel the excitement of falling in love if you tend to analyse your date’s potential and all the risks first. Below I have included a few ways in which you can do this;

• Use your head first and make a list of all the traits that you would like in your future partner such as; they are affectionate, faithful, have a good sense of humour and like to make you laugh. Then list all your deal-breakers such as; they smoke or drink excessively, they take drugs, they have cheated on their ex partners before, they don’t like children, or perhaps they live too far away from you. This list will now be your guideline for what you are looking for in a partner, and it will also give you boundaries for what you will or won’t accept in your relationship. Now every time you meet someone and they happen to match the requirements on your list you can then start listening to your heart, knowing that at least your basic needs and wants are being met.
• Take your time getting to know someone. At the start of every relationship there is a ‘honeymoon period,’ so don’t take everything you see initially at face value. A few months down the track when you are both feeling more relaxed around each other you will start to see the ‘real’ them. Which hopefully isn’t too much of a huge surprise (or disappointment!) for you, but it’s something to keep in mind. So don’t rush into anything serious while you are still getting to know each other.
• If you seem to be making all the effort in your relationships, or you are always drawn to the same type of man who only ends up using you or breaking your heart then it’s very important for you to break this cycle. Instead of listening to your heart only, you must balance things out and start listening to your head as well. This can be done by not allowing yourself to get too caught up in your feelings when you are on a date or talking to them. Keep yourself aware and grounded in the moment and always pace yourself.

• If you need further clarity around a particular person, you may find it helpful to write up a ‘Pros and Cons list.’ Make sure to be as objective as you can be with what you write down, and include both your heart (feelings), and your head (the facts) when including points for each column.

  In the ‘Pros’ column, write down all the positive things that you can think of about this person including; all the things that you like about them, if they match any of the traits that you wrote down from my first point (of what you want in your future partner), and how they make you feel when you are around them etc. And then in the ‘Cons’ column, write down all the points which could be potential red flags about this person and if you were to be in a relationship with them.

  Once you can no longer think of anything else to add to each column, have a look to see which list is longer as this may give you the answer. Seeing it all written down in front of you will help to make things a lot clearer, especially when you are incorporating both your head and your heart in your decision.

A FINAL NOTE

Working as a Relationship Clarity Coach, I am here to offer assistance if you are in a relationship that you feel may no longer be working for you. Together we will cut through your fear and confusion, so you will finally see your situation with clarity, including all the good points and the bad. And it will only be when you see your situation clearly, that you will know what your next steps should be – and that is to either stay in your relationship and work on your issues. Or to leave, if you realise your relationship is no longer a healthy and safe place for you to be in.

The sooner you take action, the better you will feel. As it’s only by getting ‘unstuck’ from your current situation that you will be able to move forward and start living a happier and more fulfilled life.

If you would like my support and guidance in your dating life, or if you need clarity on whether a new relationship is the right one for you, please book in for your free 45-minute consultation so we can discuss this further.

Everything we talk about will be completely confidential and in a non-judgemental space. I look forward to hearing from you soon.