How many of us have been on a date and we got on well with the guy but we are still not sure if he is worth pursuing?

Or maybe you have been chatting to a few guys online that have piqued your interest, but how do you know which one is worth the time getting to know better out of the sea of potential online men?

In this blog, I will identify the important points that you need to look out for when you like what you see, but don’t want to be wasting your time on men who turn out to be duds.

• He is an open book. Obviously, when you first meet you will both be a little hesitant about telling each other your entire life story. But every time you chat he will open up to you more and more, and will always answer your questions as he has nothing to hide. He never leaves you feeling confused or questioning what he tells you.
• Be wary of the guy who compares you to their ex, talks excessively about them or bad mouths them to you. It’s normal to open up about your previous relationships over time. But if you have only just met and he is already talking a lot about his ex’s – pay attention! This is a clear indication that he is either not over his ex – no matter how much he reassures you otherwise. Or he hasn’t dealt with what happened in that relationship, and still has things to work on before he is ready to be in a relationship with you. Save yourself the frustration and heartache and do not pursue anything further with this man. Instead, find someone who is ready and excited to start a relationship with you and is able to leave the past in the past and move on.
• He’s interested in getting to know you better and shows an interest by asking you questions such as; what you like/don’t like, what you enjoy doing on the weekend, about your hobbies or interests, what you do for work, as well as finding out about the people that you are close to. A man who asks you questions not only shows that he’s a good listener, but that he’s invested in getting to know you better. If he talks more about himself than you, or shows no interest in finding out what you think, feel or do, then he is only interested in something casual. Which is ok if that’s what you’re after too, but not if you’re looking for someone for a relationship.
• He regularly checks in with you to see how you are or just to say hi. A guy that is interested will always have you on his mind, and will find any excuse to reach out because he wants to feel that connection with you. If you find that you are always contacting him first or he’s not very responsive when you do message him, then take it as a sign that he really doesn’t care about you and he’s probably just being polite when he does reply.
• He remembers the little details about you and your conversations. This shows that the man is interested in what is going on behind your exterior and is making an effort to get to know the real you. Having someone remember what we say to them always makes us feel listened to and special. There’s nothing worse than having to repeat what we said in previous conversations, as this clearly shows that they weren’t paying attention to anything you said to them. So, save your interesting conversations for the man who loves to hear your voice and will actually listen to what you have to say.
• He doesn’t let days go by before he replies to your text message or returns your phone call – unless of course, he has a very good reason such as being ill, away on vacation (or kidnapped!). Aside from the fact that it’s just plain rude to leave another person hanging, it also shows he’s really not that keen to keep up with his end of the conversation or to put the effort in to get to know you better. So, do you really want to be with a man who makes so little effort to stay in contact with you? Nope…next!!
• He makes plans and includes you in them. Even the most popular guy in the world will make the time and effort to see you. He will plan your dates in advance as he understands that you have your own commitments, and there’s no way he wants to risk missing out on seeing you if he doesn’t give you plenty of notice. Never accept last minute dates or booty calls if you are looking for something long term, as you want to give the impression that you are worth making the effort for and if he doesn’t then someone else will.
• He’s reliable, and doesn’t flake out when he makes plans with you without having a good reason to do so. And if he does have to cancel your plans, he will let you know just how disappointed he is and will waste no time in rescheduling another date with you as soon as possible. If he continues to be unreliable, you may start doubting everything he tells you and pull away emotionally which isn’t good for any relationship.
• You feel you can trust him, as he’s never given you a reason to question what he says to you or his intentions. And if he’s on social media, he will have no hesitation in adding you as a friend, or actively engaging with you by liking your photos, tagging you or commenting on your posts. But if you find that you never get a mention – especially once you start dating, or his status remains ‘single’, then be assured that he’s keeping you a secret and doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s with you. So, my advice is to not take anything further with him, so you can be available to meet that wonderful guy who can’t wait to show the world that he’s with you.
• Your morals, core values and beliefs must be in alignment with your future partner’s. These traits include; empathy, honesty, kindness, our personal standards and principles, religious beliefs, how we treat others, our sense of right or wrong, amongst many others. These have been developed throughout our lives from our experiences with our family, friends, work colleagues and our community. Do not go into a relationship thinking you can change him. Not only is it not fair on the guy, but why waste your time and energy on someone you know that you’re not suited to from the start? Also look for someone who shares similar interests with you, or they are at least open to discovering a new hobby or activity with you. You want to be with someone that you can have fun with as you share new experiences and grow together, without compromising who you are as a person.

A FINAL NOTE

The dating world can be tricky at times to navigate, but if you remember the points that I’ve listed in my blog whenever you meet someone new or as you’re getting to know them, you will stand a much better chance of relationship success.

If you would like my support and guidance in your dating life, or if you need clarity around whether a new relationship is the right one for you, please book in for your free 45-minute consultation so we can discuss this further.

Everything we talk about will be completely confidential and in a non-judgemental space. I look forward to hearing from you soon.